but how the hell am i supposed to add this to everything else that’s going on? how do i expect myself to try to open up and let you actually see me for who i am when i don’t even know who that is? i like you so much and it’s so obvious and i can’t even show you because i never see you and when i do i act like a stupid idiot and can’t contain myself because i’m so fucking nervous since you’re there. last time it was so easy to disregard it because you had a girlfriend and i didn’t have to worry about anything other than crossing boundaries. but i knew those boundaries. now apparently we have no boundaries. i don’t know how to add this to all the stress i’ve felt because every time i start to like you again it gets worse and worse until i crack and i just run to someone new, jump into it too fast, then drop them like nothing. it’s not fair. to anyone. i want you to know how i feel but i don’t want to scare you off by telling you so early in the game. but i don’t want to scare myself off by not telling you. i don’t know how to go about this especially because i see you once every three months practically. now i’m dying and i really just gained these feelings again tonight. i didn’t even know this was possible. this has never happened to me before. i don’t know if it’s because you’re suddenly available this time and i feel the need to jump at the opportunity since it’s super obvious that that could change in a heartbeat. or that i just really have strong feelings for you that i didn’t even know i could have anymore after what happened. i want you to know. but i don’t. but i do. TELL ME WHAT TO DO PLEASE. it’s not like it isn’t obvious. except you’re the most oblivious person on earth so you probably didn’t even notice it. the worst part is, i’m 87% sure YOU STARTED THIS WHOLE THING FIRST. and then you just made it worse and worse. why must you be so perfect? stop it. now.
excuse me while i rant for a bit please